And just at that very moment when you're ready to not think of him anymore, you're ready to send your letters to someone else, you've forgotten him, he feels the need to see how you are. Remind you that he's alive and real and not so dead as you were pretending. It isn't right and it isn't fair. I never wanted to think of you again! You didn't say a word to me for so God damned long and now, now, you think you can just nonchalantly pop back into my life with a hey, how are you! Do you know how I cried when you left? Do you know what that did to me? You have no idea how I loved you and would still love you if you hadn't left. I know it wasn't me that you left, but it still hurt like hell. You never meant to hurt me, but you should know that you did. And it hurt even more that you didn't speak to me, but it helped because I forgot you. I've learned to love someone else. You cannot intrude on my feigned happiness. You cannot! I don't love you anymore! I don't! It isn't true. Stay away. I can't have you and you can't have me, so please just stay away. I don't want your words, your voice, your face. I don't want any of it! I did once, but that was a long time ago. I have someone else's words now. Yours should not cross my mind. I am supposed to love him, and you are not making it easy. I love him, I do. It's just, not as much as I loved you. So you have to stay out of my life because you're just going to ruin what I've worked so hard to put together. It took me so long to put everything back together! And with those few words, it all came unglued. I love him, and you're not allowed to ruin that for me.

vintage//modern